Sunday

The Moment Your Mom is Diagnosed with Cancer...

     There is something that clicks in your brain when you are told that your mom is dying. I don't know how to explain the feeling other than a mixture of adrenaline, fear, despair and a weird calmness that feels more like emptiness. On October 31, of this year my mom found out the pain in her back is cancer. There are 4 tumors total, all small in size but in different areas. She is weak and constantly in pain. I have been camped out at the hospital in-between work. Apparently the cancer is aggressive and it's stage 4. Why the fuck did this happen? I felt angry and cried for three days straight. The thing is, this cancer is not mine, it is my mom's and I am already mourning her as if she is gone. This is not the way to be...EVER.


     The doctors can't identify the point of origin from where the cancer is coming from. First they will treat the tumors in her back which are approximately 3cm with radiation-that begins Monday-then comes Chemotherapy. Prayer helps, although I have to admit, I was mad as hell at God. I thought how the hell could he let this happen? Why my mom? Why any one's mom? She has literally sacrificed her entire life for the sake of my siblings, and myself. Constantly helping us through every damn thing. Helping my grandmother, aunt and uncles whenever they ended her, and this is how she is rewarded...with fucking cancer?! I am sure God hears these words said by millions of people when it comes to cancer. It's an epidemic here in the United States, and I know God didn't "let" this happen. He does not want my mom or anyone else with this disease to suffer, or even be infected with it. I apologized to God, it was my anger, and fear that got to me I took it out on him. 

To Live & Date in LA, Ep3: Grown A** Woman

To Live & Date in LA, Ep. 2: Sh*t Happens

To Live & Date in L.A. Ep 1: How Did I Get Here?

5 Signs That You'll Never Be His Girlfriend...



     Dating sucks. Okay, that was a harsh opener. Dating is a mix of emotions; nervousness, excitement, joy and awkwardness. When you like someone, your brain produces endorphins which trigger an actual physical and emotional response in your body. This is what causes the "butterflies in your stomach" feeling every time you are near your crush, and it feels damn good. Having someone in your life feels like you've eaten pizza, ice cream, chocolate, and the best red wine you can find all at once, and not gained a pound at all afterward. It's a feeling of intimacy that we all deserve to experience, but since dating can be so complicated, how do we know if our "situation" is leading towards something more...a relationship. Here is my list-because you all know I am a complete genius on the subject-of five signs that he (or she) are never, ever, like ever, going to take things to the next level with you...ever:

1) He Only Texts You: Ugh...you guys, texting is the bane of my existence. Remember when a guy liked you and actually picked up the phone to call you? I remember a boy calling me in the sixth grade, this was circa 1990, and I was so excited that I literally screamed. Then, we had pagers and you would send someone a numerical page, okay let me explain for all you youngsters who have no idea what I am referring to because you've grown up in the cell phone only days: Pagers were dope. Pagers were so fly and we all had one-mine was purple-and came up with words you could create using numbers, and certain number combinations meant different things. If someone texted you the combo 143 it meant I love you. Guys called you because they had to! They couldn't send a text.

     In high school a guy had a crush on me and wrote me letters almost weekly for an entire school year. Now, you have no idea what a guys handwriting even looks like. If you had to pick him out of a line-up based on his handwriting alone...you'd be screwed. You'd be all, 'I'm sorry detective I have no idea who this handwriting belongs to. Can you have him send me a text?' Now, all we get are bathroom selfies with the toilet seat in the background. If he sets up all your "dates" through text, has not picked up the phone once to call you, and every text session escalates quickly into sexting, then you my friend, are not going to be his girlfriend. Listen, I do not think you have to have hour long, daily phone conversations to establish a relationship, but I know that texting takes absolutely no effort. Picking up the phone, hearing someone's voice and establishing an actual intimate connection does.

Monday

Check out the new trailer for my web series: 
To Live & Date in L.A.


The series follows three friends; Jonesie, Kimmy & Dani as they try to make it in the entertainment industry and navigate their way through the Los Angeles dating scene. After Jonesie's love life takes an unexpected and awful turn, she looks to her friends for support. Along the way the women struggle with career woes and dating mishaps that are as awkward as they are epic. 

Written & Produced by: Me! 

Starring: Myself, Tatiana Mariesa, and Natasha Gable

Head on over to the To Live & Date in L.A. YouTube page and please watch, like, share and subscribe! Thank you so much for your support xoxoxo Jonesie

Social Media Links:
Jonesie: @awkwardgirlla
Tatiana: @tatianamariesa

Sunday

3 Lessons Learned from 2 Years of Celibacy...


     I am currently passing year two of being celibate. Yes, okay, it's been two years...you read that right. Here's the thing, I did not deliberately choose to be celibate, the celibate life chose me! To be perfectly honest, I would love to meet someone amazing enough to break this non-self-imposed celibacy life. We have all made the mistake of equating sex with love right? Think about it, how many stories have we all listened to our girlfriends tell about that guy they went on a few dates with, had sex with, and who quickly and awkwardly moonwalks his way out of their life.

     Sex is a huge factor in relationships and most times we end up having sex with people we are not in committed relationships with. I am not passing judgement whatsoever for those who do...I am explaining why I have taken that option off of the table for the past two years. For me, there is something to be said for two people who actually take the time to get to know each other without the complications of sex clouding their judgement. Often (women especially) have sex with a man in the very early stages of dating, whether it be the first of fifth date. It's not about testing him to see how patient he will be. It's about getting to know someone for who they truly are, and deciding if this is a person we want to be in an exclusive relationship with. Also, if they are deserving of having such an important piece of your body, heart and soul. Being celibate has taught me three important lessons about myself:

Tuesday

Budget Friendly Date Night Meal: Tortilla Soup & Chocolate Cupcakes!

     Hola Kats & Kittens! Well, I've never done a food recipe post here but I am constantly posting pics of all my homemade recipes on Instagram (instagram.com/awkwardgirlla) and thought that I should post a quick, budget friendly, and easy date night meal that will totally impress your date! I guarantee you will end your night with a hardcore make-out session, or just end up in bed having the most amazing love making session ever.

     Okay, okay, I can't in all honesty 100% guarantee that due to legal reasons, but I will say that I highly recommend that you make this meal and it will kinda, maybe, probably, most likely, in all ways, sorta happen. Now let me also state that I recently took a trip to the 99 cent store to buy cleaning products-as we all do-and found Silicone Baking Cups! If you are not a foodie or baker than let me explain how rad that is. Silicone baking cups are amazeballs! They prevent your cupcakes from sticking, are reusable and help to distribute heat evenly when you bake, so basically they are a win-win for everyone involved! So, high-tail your cute little selves over to the 99 cent store where you can not only pick up the baking cups but can also purchase other ingredients for both of these recipes as well. Let's make some Tortilla Soup and Chocolate Cupcakes!

Dinner: Tortilla Soup   Dessert: Chocolate-Banana Cupcakes