First Dates can be extremely nerve-racking and awkward, or is that just me? Finding someone interesting enough to have a first date with can be an obstacle in itself. You find someone you like, text or in very rare cases, actually speak to them on the phone, then you get asked out…yes!!! Now you have to figure out what to wear and this can be really difficult because unfortunately people judge each other first, based on appearances. So, do you wear a dress, a shirt, jeans, a suit and tie? Where are you going to go on your date? Dinner, a movie, museum, or coffee? Should he/she pick you up or should you meet them there? Should you flat-iron your hair or leave it curly? Get a haircut and a shave or wear your beard? Ack…this is too much! Here are 5 things you can do to ease the stress of a first date:
1) Talk to Your Date Prior to Meeting Up: Talking seems to be a lost art form that our parents once did after school, while listening to records on the jukebox and drinking milkshakes at the local burger joint. What happened to talking? Where the hell did it go, and can we bring it back? I vote yes. Talk to your date before you actually go on your date. Don’t text plan the entire thing. I am not suggesting you have a three hour phone conversation about what type of cheeses you like, or your favorite wine, but connecting verbally gives you a sense of direction when it comes to how you feel about someone. Call them and discuss, what you both like to do for entertainment, or what you are interested in so that you can both enjoy yourselves on your date. How many times have you showed up to a restaurant that literally has nothing on the menu you want to eat, or suffered through a film or game you have no interest in for the sake of the date? Talk first, gauge your interests, and plan accordingly.
2) Let Your Guard Down Just A Bit: This is a biggie for pretty much all of us. We are a generation of people who constantly Tweet or Instagram how quickly we cut people off, don’t trust others, or are giving up on love. What the hell happened to us? Why are we so cynical and jaded? I think I am having an existential moment right now, but I digress. Letting your guard down-especially for me-is terrifying. Opening yourself up to rejection, heartache, pain and all of the other descriptive ways in which you can be hurt, is scary and can make you really nervous, especially on date one when you are already in a bit of a frenzied state. If you don’t open yourself up to all of the possibilities of love whether they be negative, or positive, then love will never find you. Let your guard down and allow them to really get to know the real you, which leads me to tip number three.
Emotional cheating is perpetuated by women more than men. Why? That’s an easy answer…we are emotional. I don’t mean burn your clothes, set your house on fire, key your car emotional (those are extreme cases that have happened, and can we ever forget Angela Bassett’s character setting her cheating husbands clothes on fire in Waiting to Exhale? Nope). Women are hardwired to express their emotions freely and are nurturers by nature, so we need a partner who is there for us both physically and emotionally.
Why is there so much pressure to be in a relationship during the holidays? Around the holidays you will almost always receive the, "When are you going to settle down?" and "When are you going to have a baby?" questions. I blame the weather. I blame the media. I blame Christmas. I blame New Year's Eve, and I blame my uterus. Yes...I said my uterus. In L.A. we have no snow and it barely rains but as soon as those temperatures drop just a wee bit, then all of the thirstiness of being alone surfaces in everyone. All of a sudden, everyone on my Twitter, Facebook and Instagram feeds are posting about finding love and cuddle weather. During the summer it was all, "shots, shots, shots!", dancing and partying and clubbing, but as soon as the weather changed, so did everyone's outlook on love.
It has been scientifically proven that the weather does affect our moods and there is an actual disorder associated with the seasons; SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) a depressive disorder in which a persons depressive state is connected to specific seasons. Also the "Winter blues" can make us feel sad, needy, lonely or make you feel as though you need someone to fill the emptiness you are experiencing. Cold weather makes us want to snuggle, I get it, but there is a huge difference between being lonely and spending time alone. Instead of focusing on not having someone to cuddle with during the cold, use this time to focus on your needs or the needs of those around you. Pick up extra work hours and make that money to pay off a bill. Donate time to charity, create a vision board, learn how to cook, or hell, fly your sad ass to Jamaica and find some happiness. Whatever you choose just know that he/she will come along when YOU are fulfilled within yourself, then the universe will casually bring you your cuddle buddy.
There is something that clicks in your brain when you are told that your mom is dying. I don't know how to explain the feeling other than a mixture of adrenaline, fear, despair and a weird calmness that feels more like emptiness. On October 31, of this year my mom found out the pain in her back is cancer. There are 4 tumors total, all small in size but in different areas. She is weak and constantly in pain. I have been camped out at the hospital in-between work. Apparently the cancer is aggressive and it's stage 4. Why the fuck did this happen? I felt angry and cried for three days straight. The thing is, this cancer is not mine, it is my mom's and I am already mourning her as if she is gone. This is not the way to be...EVER.
The doctors can't identify the point of origin from where the cancer is coming from. First they will treat the tumors in her back which are approximately 3cm with radiation-that begins Monday-then comes Chemotherapy. Prayer helps, although I have to admit, I was mad as hell at God. I thought how the hell could he let this happen? Why my mom? Why any one's mom? She has literally sacrificed her entire life for the sake of my siblings, and myself. Constantly helping us through every damn thing. Helping my grandmother, aunt and uncles whenever they ended her, and this is how she is rewarded...with fucking cancer?! I am sure God hears these words said by millions of people when it comes to cancer. It's an epidemic here in the United States, and I know God didn't "let" this happen. He does not want my mom or anyone else with this disease to suffer, or even be infected with it. I apologized to God, it was my anger, and fear that got to me I took it out on him.