There's something so amazing about having someone in your life that truly understands you, loves you just as you are and is not trying to change you into the version of what they want you to be. Oh, and how awesome is it to have a date for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner? Or someone special to make fun of all of the other couples that are "way into Valentines Day"? Then there's all of the firsts you have with your special someone: first kiss, first date, first time you say I love you...and we can't forget the first time right...am I right? Yup, all of those things are beyond wonderful...so if you don't have those experiences in your life right now, or haven't had them for four years like myself, does that mean you should just give up on having them? I say no.
Putting yourself out there really sucks sometimes. Yes, I said it...well, wrote it, I mean typed it. You know what I mean you guys! There are ten million different ways to find love: online dating sites, facebook, going to a bar, singles meet-ups, matchmaking services, twitter, instagram etc...and while all of these ways of meeting new people exist, most times actually using them in any form can be intimidating/scary/creepy/uncomfortable. So, what are we supposed to do? Wait around for Mr. or Mrs. Right? Or fearlessly put yourself out there so he or she will be able to find you? I say the latter and here's why: No one is ever going to find you-or me-while you're-or me-sitting at home everyday after work/every weekend. Ummm...yes that is my reason. Go with me on this...
Dating sucks. First dates especially suck. It's like your interviewing someone to decide whether or not they will play a role in your life and, let's be frank, gain access to your lady parts. So, you meet a guy (or girl), exchange numbers, text for a few days, talk on the phone and decide you are interested, then comes the first date. Excitement at this point is at an all time high. For me it's a mix of excitement and nausea, but I digress. No matter what you're feeling there is always a hope that this person will become your "person". The first date goes really well and you end up talking for hours, he kisses you goodnight and tells you he had a great time...Cut to three days later and you still haven't heard from him, so you think that he's probably just playing it cool and send him a quick text to let him know you had a great time. Here it is two weeks later and it's been total radio silence. You can't help but wonder what the hell happened right? Did my breath stink, was my game off, what did I do?! Here are three reasons that may have played a part:
Reason #1) Expectations: Listen, having expectations is totally normal. I have expectations about everything in my life: I expect my hair to always look good, I expect my outfits to always make me look like a model, I expect to be a millionaire and I expect to be liked when I like someone. Does all of this sound rational? Perhaps not. Here is the thing about having high expectations...they are YOUR expectations. No one is making you feel anything. You have to own the fact that these expectations are your own and you are choosing to project them onto someone else. You are not a princess, he is not a prince. You do not live in a castle. You are not friends with talking animals that help brush your hair in the morning. Expecting to find Mr or Mrs Right after date one may be a stretch, and expecting to have someone come into your life and all of a sudden make everything rainbows and roses is not fair to the person you're on the date with. Expect to be treated with respect, expect to be appreciated for who you are, and expect to have a good time. Do not expect to be rescued, salvaged, saved, or given a tiara because it's not going to happen. And, you don't need it to! You are beautiful, smart, amazing and should have enough love for yourself that you don't need to be rescued, but instead want to share your love with someone who deserves it. Crown your own self.
I previously wrote a list of 10 Things Not to Do in Front of Your Man and it has been my most popular blog post to date, so why not let the fellas know exactly what we don't want to see them do right?! In actuality men have it pretty easy when it comes to so-called "bad behavior" because most of it is written off as just boys being boys i.e. burping, farting, sex jokes etc...and most of the times it may bother us but we really want to seem like the cool girlfriend or wife that doesn't nag their man to stop doing whatever the hell it is that grosses us out. So, I'll say it for you...I don't care if your man hates me for it because there were some ladies that hated me for calling out our behavior on my previous list!
1) Commenting on our friends, sisters, cousins, co-workers looks: This can either go horribly wrong or kind of right. For example: "Your mom is so beautiful you look just like her." and then there is, "Yeah...your sister's boobs are bigger than yours, but all I need is a handful." (No this is not a made up example either, but I digress.) Look, its not like we expect you to not look at, desire or feel attracted to anyone else, but hearing how fine/hot/beautiful/pretty you think our best friend/sister/co-worker is, is not on our list of things we want to hear. Why? They are to close to home and to close to you. This is a scenario we see constantly played out in movies, television dramas and Maury Povich, so the last thing we want to equate with you is getting a phone call from Maury's producer. Thinking someone is beautiful does not mean you are going to cheat on us with them either, but would you want us telling you how sexy we think your brother is? Didn't think so.
2) Trying to solve all of our problems for us: Guys we understand you are natural problem solvers but when we are venting about our co-worker Tanya (listen I don't care how mature you are, we all have that one co-worker that just irks the hell out of us). For example, "Tanya flirts with everyone and it pisses me off! I'm sure she's sleeping with our boss because she wouldn't have gotten that raise otherwise!" Pause right here. What are you supposed to say to that? Should you try and solve this dilemma for her? Are you supposed to agree that Tanya is a slut? Do you tell your girl she may be reacting a bit over-the-top? No to everything! Just listen and please don't try and come up with a plan of action unless we ask. We have been dealing with Tanya for a long time now and know what we need to do, but we can't talk about her with anyone at work so we at times need to vent about it to you. Please put the whiteboard, markers, and note cards away...we got this.
Did you know you can buy condoms at the 99 cent store? Did you know there are condoms for males and females to wear? Did you know you can order them online? Did you know that condoms are the number one way to effectively protect you and your partner during a sexual encounter from STD's including AIDS and HIV? So, if you are nodding your head and saying, yes, yes, I already know all of this...I have one question for you: "Why the hell are you not consistently using condoms with your partners?!!!"
In the fourth grade I told Ryan that I liked him...Oh man you guys should have seen him, he was a total cutie pie with blondish brown hair and blue eyes. He liked my friend Summer, but I didn't care I liked him. And he rejected me. This actually made me like him even more. I also tried to be more like Summer because a few of the boys liked her, and I figured I'd get their attention by changing myself to be who they want. This is how the vicious cycle of chasing men and relationships began...Let's just dedicate this post to Ryan shall we?
When I like a guy I expect him to like me back. I expect him to think my sarcasm and witty banter is well...the funniest material he has ever heard. I expect him to love my curly hair and huge smile. Oh and he of course will think my body minus the six-pack abs is totally perfect. What if everyone we liked liked us back? If our expectations were actually met and we never had unrequited love? Rejection happens to everyone every single day whether it be from a cute guy, woman, new job prospect or acting audition. But, is every rejection necessarily a bad thing?